This Pretty Kitty Needs A Job

As a beautiful persian cat, it has never occurred to me that I would ever need to move beyond naps, Animal planet, and a-purr-able playing with catnip toys in order to support myself in this cruel world. Of course the world wants to sit and admire my beautiful paws! My life is intended for leisure and decoration, not the toil and struggle of the working class! I am so bitter that my capitalist leanings have betrayed me; all these years, I thought the proletariat was underrated. Now I know, I should have known that Paris on Gilmore Girls was right when she said:

PARIS: Hey, boss. It's interesting, you know. Karl Marx has come alive for me today. I never understood what he was yammering about before, and now it just seems so obviously wrong that those who control capital should make their fortunes off the labour of the working class . . . I bet they all have money, too. Every one of those commodity fetishists.

Meow, you ask? Meow so bitter?

Well, as you may have heard, Katie and Baxter are moving to Rochester this summer in order to provide a better life for this here Hippo. They are looking at several apartments, some townhouses, and a few floors of houses. And at almost every turn, they are confronted with the need for pet rent.

Pet Rent! How ridiculous! I have never used $20 of services in any apartment I have yet occupied, and I would think that sheer cuteness would be giving back more than that amount to the world at large. My fluffy fur and precious face are an asset to whatever residence I occupy, and I resent any implication otherwise.

However, I feel it unfair for my beloved owners to take all the responsibility onto themselves. To that end, I have been furiously pushing loose change under the edge of the bed to create a stash for my July rent, but lord only knows what I will do if they make me pay my own security deposit! (Honestly, I think that bravado and good looks will get me through that one; after all, Katie gets an anniversary present every month, so I figure I'm due a few back presents to make up for lost past gifts). But now, only input will save me -- how shall I get a job?

These are the occupations for which I think I have the requisite skills.

I would make an excellent Nielsen Kitty, since I find television to be cat-tastic.

I could be a purr-sonal grocery shopper - I have learned excellent shopping skills from my family.

I could definitely be a purr-sonal meow-sistant, since I heart the computer, although after awhile, keyboards do cause me to need a catnap.

My only other idea is to let people take ridiculous photos for money, since, unfortunately, such photographs pop up now and again and I might as well be making a little rent money for them.

Luckily I still have the gift certificate I got for Christmas from Baxter's Dad and Erin to Petco to help take care of my expenses -- Maybe that will count for the first month?